


Middle of a Memory

by DontMessWithFres



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Has Panic Attacks, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes-centric, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra are a-holes, Multi, Not gonna lie this is based off of a meme, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Or is at least trying to, Protective Steve Rogers, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 05:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17656403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontMessWithFres/pseuds/DontMessWithFres
Summary: Memories have always been a touchy subject for Bucky. He has good memories, mostly bad ones, but he can’t seem to remember anything from before he was the Winter Soldier. Tidbits of information come back to him if he tries hard enough, but it gets depressing after awhile. Instead of sulking about it, he goes out and makes new memories, ones that he’s certain he’ll remember. Going to dinner with his newfound friends, feeding ducks at a local park with Steve, even learning how to rollerskate and making an absolute fool of himself, just to name a few.





	Middle of a Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Not even gonna lie to you guys, this fanfic is based around a meme/AU that I saw on Instagram. Basically, Luis from Ant-Man looks very similar to Bucky, so some people joked about Luis being Bucky's grandnephew. The post can be found here ( https://www.instagram.com/p/BtbzEi_guCk/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1og4p8qtc8s3t )
> 
> This is the first fanfic that I've ever published and it's unedited by someone other than me. 
> 
> More characters will be added in later chapters and more tags will be brought in as well.
> 
> This fanfic does deal with some heavy mental health topics such as PTSD, intense OCD, and lots of anxiety from a multitude of characters. Keep these in mind when reading the story.

Memories have always been a touchy subject for Bucky. He has good memories, mostly bad ones, but he can’t seem to remember anything from before he was the Winter Soldier. Tidbits of information come back to him if he tries hard enough, but it gets depressing after awhile. Instead of sulking about it, he goes out and makes new memories, ones that he’s certain he’ll remember. Going to dinner with his newfound friends, feeding ducks at a local park with Steve, even learning how to rollerskate and making an absolute fool of himself, just to name a few. 

It’s nights like this though that not even his new memories can console him. He so desperately wants to remember who he was and what he did before joining the military. So, on the nights where his own mind plays tricks on him, like tonight, he cleans. Not like he’s deep cleaning the apartment, but he just tidies up and lets his thoughts drift away with the routine motions of washing dishes, folding clothes, and occasionally sweeping.

That’s where Steve finds him tonight, hands in the dishwater and staring at nothing in particular. This wouldn’t have alarmed Steve, but Bucky would have usually turned around to greet him by now. Bucky, being the ever cautious man that he was, would always check behind him even when he knew no one was there. Something was off with Bucky.

“Hey, Buck?” Steve asked in a quiet, cautious voice. Bucky was an easy man to scare and Steve didn’t want to startle him. 

The other man just looked over his shoulder and hummed. Steve took that as a good sign and stepped closer to him. “Is everything okay?” Steve asked in his still hushed tone.

Steve’s question seemed to have pulled Bucky out of his trance because he finally pulled his hands out of the water and dried them off. “Uh, yeah. I was- I was just thinking is all.” came Bucky’s reply.

“You? Thinking? That’s a good joke.” Steve teased.

“Haha. Very funny Steve.”

The two men chuckled at the playful jokes one another had made. Bucky rolled his eyes and lightly swatted Steves' arm. “Well, if you don’t mind me asking, what were you thinking about?” Steve asked as he leaned against the counter closest to him.  
“Memories.” came Bucky’s reply. The man paused, scratched at his beard, then spoke again, “I think I remember something from before they found me.”

“Oh? Good or bad?” Steve asked cautiously. Memories were a touchy subject for Bucky, especially when he talked about ‘them’. Bucky began referring to Hydra as ‘them’ a few months back when he finally started talking about the horrors that they have done to him. The name Hydra, just became too much for him to say without feeling dread in the pit of his stomach. 

Bucky smiled to himself, “Good, I think. I can kinda remember a girl and she was begging someone to let her braid someone else's hair. It’s all kind of- kind of blurry?”

“But, It’s a start, Buck. That’s great.” Steve encouraged. Bucky doesn’t remember a whole lot, so they try to celebrate even the small things. “Can you try and tell me more?” 

Bucky shrugged and rubbed at his neck. “I think the girl was wanting to braid my hair.”

That answer caused Steve to burst out in laughter. “Now that’s something I’d love to see.”

“Stop talking smack about my hair, Rogers. You’re just jealous that I don’t have a receding hairline unlike some of us.” Bucky teased back.

Steve placed his hands over his heart and faked shock. “C’mon man! That was rude!” 

Truth be told, Steve would take all the teasing in the world if meant that Bucky was comfortable enough around him to do so. The two men might joke and tease now, but a few months ago Bucky would barely even talk to Steve. Bucky would just hide away in the tiny bedroom of the even tinier apartment that Steve had managed to rent. Those few months we’re the hardest in Bucky’s road to recovery. Sleepless nights filled with screaming, refusing to eat more than a few bites a day, constant looking out the window and checking that the doors were locked were a frequent those days.

Bucky has gotten a lot better even though he himself doesn’t think so. Everyone that he sees on a regular basis, therapists, doctors, and even the few friends he has managed to make constantly remind him of how far he’s come. He no longers hides in his tiny room, he eats two meals a day, and he only checks the windows and locks a few times a day. This all being ‘huge progress’ as his therapist would say.

After the men’s laughter died down, Bucky urged Steve to go back to sleep and stop worrying about him. “You’re gonna be cranky in the morning if you don’t get your beauty sleep, Steve.” 

Steve didn’t indulge him with a response, he just rolled his eyes and headed back to his ‘bed’ he had set up on the floor of the bedroom. He wanted to get a new apartment that had more room in it when he found out that Bucky had actually wanted to live with him, but the other man begged him not too. So, they shared Steve’s tiny, one bedroom apartment and they made it work.

The apartment was actually more of Bucky’s than it was Steve’s. He liked to have things a certain way, which is actually why he did most of the cleaning, even when he wasn’t having a bad night. Steve always put the dishes away wrong and folded the clothes in a funny way, so Bucky has taken over the role of cleaning. And that's how Bucky finished his night, cleaning the dishes and laughing at the big doof of a man that he called his best friend.


End file.
